


Vanilla Twilight

by Azuwrite



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Like, Reincarnation, Rey Needs A Hug, Songfic, Soulmates, Widowed, all our hearts broke with tros, they’ll find each other again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23151025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite/pseuds/Azuwrite
Summary: A short fic with short chapters for The Writing Den theme: Force Bond.This has been in my head and the theme and idea of reincarnation/force bond made it the perfect time to get this done.This, in a way, is my way of dealing with the end of TROS. This is my grieving, through writing. As sad as this may be, I hope you enjoy, and it will have a hopeful ending *cough* the way it should have ended *cough*
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7
Collections: Reylo Theme Event





	1. I Wish You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Vanilla Twilight by Owl City
> 
> Please take a listen, it’s a beautiful song 🎼💕

[ ](https://ibb.co/3fmqMGL)

**WARNING: this contains heavy angst and the grief of a character losing their spouse, continue with care <3**

  
Hugging her husband’s favorite sweatshirt to her chest, Rey tossed and turned in their bed. No matter what position she lay, sleep was nowhere to be found. 

Finally giving up with a heavy sigh, she rolled onto her back, tired gaze stretching beyond the skylight. The stars sparkled so beautifully, yet she felt no ounce of joy. It was a magical sight; bright balls of gas twinkling in the clear purple-tinged sky like Christmas lights hung merrily from rooftops. 

Her head flopped to the side, hazel eyes, heavy with grief, traveling along the painfully empty space beside her. His head used to lay there, a mop of luxurious obsidian waves cascading along the pillows surface. The brilliant shine of the moon and stars would caress the delicate porcelain complexion of his restful face, quiet snores slipping between his plush lips. 

Her heart ached, her lips trembling with the memories of many nights spent staring in awe at the man that slept so peacefully at her side. She had never felt regret until the moment his life ended; the moments she should have let him hold her just a few seconds longer, the kisses she could have given, but didn’t because she was running late for work, or the fights that they both stubbornly let stretch longer than needed. 

As tears began to trickle down her freckle-dusted cheeks, she tried desperately to remember the feeling of his arms wrapped around her. She felt so safe and secure within his welcoming grasp, his face resting comfortably at the crook of her neck. She would shed bittersweet tears and he would pick up the broken pieces of her former life, mending them and creating something new, something beautiful. 

That year spent in a long-distance relationship...should they have spent it together? In person? Would that have given her more memories, more time with him? 

Her eyes landed on a scrapbook across the room and a weak smile lifted at the corners of her lips. Picking it up, she flipped it open, revealing endless pages of heartfelt words scribbled on postcards. She felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach, similar to the times she had received the little lover letters in the mail.

Eyes fluttering shut in time with the scrapbook, Rey knew she had her answer.  _ No.  _ She didn’t regret that year spent apart. How could she wish to replace the memories of reading his sweet words? Or the brief and occasional weekends they managed to visit each other?

With a misty gaze and fingers tracing the face of the scrapbook, she wished she could send a postcard to him, despite knowing it would never reach him...wherever he was. What would she say, if he could read it?

Then she remembered the many activities her therapist suggested to help her cope with her grief. Trying her best to push through her pain, she sat at her desk, tears dripping on the postcard as, with a trembling hand, she wrote the words she wished to say.

Several crossed out words, wobbly letters, and multiple breakdowns later, Rey found herself standing at the rocky edge of the lake. Though the breeze of the summer’s night was warm, she couldn’t stop shaking. 

Chestnut hair flowed gently along her shoulders as she bent before the crisp water, a gold tint reflecting off its surface as the sun began to rise on the horizon. With uncertainty buzzing in her head, she finally released the slip of paper, watching as it twirled downward until it hit its watery grave.

Her eyes remained on the words she had etched upon the card, taking a deep breath as it finally sunk out of view. With one last tear streaking down her cheek, she winced at the rising sun, five little words struggling from her chapped lips.

“I wish you were here.”

_ The stars lean down to kiss you _

_ And I lie awake and miss you _

_ Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere _

_ 'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly _

_ But I'll miss your arms around me _

_ I'd send a postcard to you, dear _

_ 'Cause I wish you were here _

***


	2. It’s Not the Same Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey continues to work through her grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the song Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Please take a listen, it’s beautiful 💕🎼

[ ](https://ibb.co/mF8qJqy)

**WARNING: this contains heavy angst and the grief of a character losing their spouse, continue with care <3**

  
The foliage began to change color, orange leaves dancing in the wind and finding permanent residence on the autumn-esque reflection of the lake. The sun drifted behind the high mountains, the pinks and purples of sunset fading to a light blue. 

Rey sat cross-legged on her bed... _ their bed _ …as she peered out the bedroom window, watching the sun disappear and the night sky take its place. 

She thought back to when she would watch the sunset with Ben, her head resting on his shoulder. They had worked hard to build a home on the lake, to live in nature, and get away from it all. Together. 

They had enjoyed a number of sunsets and sunrises with each other; on their front porch, from their bedroom, in an intimate tangle of limbs, nestled under their sheets. The sunset  _ was _ truly exquisite and she  _ was _ trying her hardest to enjoy the little things in life again...but it was hard.

Something as regular and normal as a sunset, something that happened every single day, just wasn’t the same without him. They would talk about silly things, they would talk about serious things, and sometimes they said nothing at all. It was perfect. 

Sleep had often eluded her, but it had been worse since...his passing. When she was restless or stressed, when she couldn’t sleep, Ben would stay up with her until she fell asleep in his arms. 

They would whisper quietly to each other, two tiny souls in a world so vast. She felt more vulnerable exchanging quiet words in the comfort of their bed, faces mere inches apart, than she did with their naked bodies wrapped passionately together. 

Now, she was left with silence. There wasn’t the deep rumbling of Ben’s voice, the clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen as he made her breakfast in bed, or the soft heavenly sighs of their love making. There was nothing. 

While the silence hardly bothered her, it was when she got used to it that the little things would tug at the shards of her broken heart. 

_ What little thing is going to draw tears today? _ She would wonder daily. 

Today, it was sunsets...and her hands. 

She melted into a ball of overwhelming sadness as she sat staring at the open palm of her hand, her wedding ring shimmering in the moonlight. Her heart began to throb as her mind began to panic at the possibility of forgetting what it’s like to have Ben’s fingers laced with her own.

She spent many nights tracing the lines of his palms, placing petite kisses upon them. She let out a watery chuckle as she compared his giant hands to that of a baseball mitt in her head.

Allowing herself to let it all out, she sobbed into the sleeves of Ben’s cable knit sweater that flowed over her tiny body. Their hands fit like puzzle pieces, and hers would forever feel incomplete without his.

When her tear ducts finally ran dry, she stood from the bed with confidence, knowing what she needed to do. 

Shivering at the lakes edge once again, she placed a postcard atop its surface, fall leaves creating a frame around the words written with raw emotion. She stayed until it faded slowly from view before making her way back to the home she once shared with the love of her life.

_ I'll watch the night turn light blue _

_ But it's not the same without you _

_ Because it takes two to whisper quietly _

_ The silence isn't so bad _

_ 'Til I look at my hands and feel sad _

_ 'Cause the spaces between my fingers _

_ Are right where yours fit perfectly _

***


End file.
